A start

Let me start this whole deal with one of those awesome, "fuck you" disclaimers:

This blog will contain my thoughts and my opinions on all kinds of topics and almost all portions of daily life.  If anything I EVER say in this blog offends you and you feel like saying something in irritation, do me and yourself a solid favour, and click that little "exit" button on your browser or tab.  This blog is for me to discuss certain aspects of my life, but the names of people will never be mentioned in this.  Nor will I ever attack them.  There is nothing more irritating to me than being defamed on internet behind my back - or people that do it to others.

If I've experienced anything in my life, it's the familiar taste of my own foot. I'm young (only 23 for those of you that care), but already I've experienced a virtual 180 degree turn-around with half of the things that came flying out of my mouth in high school and my first couple years of college.  Ignorant things.

Little more than eight years ago, I would've laughed in somebody's face had they walked up to me and said I was to become a gym-addicted, almost-vegetarian(let's face it, like all Southern Americans, I have a love-hate relationship with bacon), biology major - with the hopes of eventually getting a Masters and then a Doctorate in something medically related.

But then again, lots of things can happen in eight years.

In that time:

I've found out that my mother suffers from paranoid schizophrenia; my parents - who had been married 23 years - divorced; I came out; I have fallen in love - a handful of times; I graduated from high school; I got into college; I've had five jobs; I've seen my mother bottom-out twice; a dear friend died; my father found love again; my dog died --

You know what?  That started meandering towards a 'pity party'.  I don't do 'pity parties'.  Congratulations, life hasn't gone perfect, stand up and keep going.

"stand up and keep going"

I don't honestly remember who it was and I don't feel like Googling or Youtubing it at the moment, but there was a gentleman I remembered from a Parkour/Freerunning video; he said something about Parkour and/or Freerunning was about taking what obstacles were infront of you and continuously moving forward.  If you fall, get up and keep moving, but never stop.

That kind of thinking has been what has been urging me to continue at the gym, to work harder in my classes, and to fight to get what I want and need out of life.

I have ALWAYS struggled with depression.  It looms behind my shoulder like some sort of irritating shadow.  To say that I'm continously moving forward, does not mean that I'm running from my depression or from my past.   My past was the reason why I grew up (hell, I'm still growing up).  My depression was how I learned how to treasure my life and all it had to offer.

I've suddenly skidded to a mental halt.  Crap.

That's what I get for listening to fairly addictive pop music while trying to type anything.

Well.....hm.  Let's try getting back on track with theatre.  Not many of the people in my life, I've known long enough for them to know what I was like before technical theatre in high school.  I truly owe theatre, as a subject and as an experience, virtually everything in my personality right now.  When I was younger, I was a nervous and quiet young girl.  It didn't take much for me to suck myself into my little turtle shell and hide from the world.  To this day, I remember the instant that a playbook was dropped into my hands and I was told to "run the show".  Scared the ever-living out of me at first.  I have no idea how, or when exactly, that I changed, but I call it my "personality inversion".  I refuse to hide anymore and if some of you haven't noticed, I tend to be the loudest and crudest person in public.  I love being loud and I love the attention.

 Now why is someone, who was so dedicated to theatre, a biology major at an engineering school?  As superficial or shallow as some of you may think it to be, it all boils down to money.  Or at least it did initially.  I couldn't afford to go anywhere else and after attempting to major in computer science and graphic design (One of these two topics I did HORRIBLE in.  I'll give yout wo guesses and the first one doesn't count), biology was the next best thing for me.  It filled in all of the missing gaps in my personality and allowed me to use the "other side" of my brain.

I had, probably the best introduction biology professor I could've ever hoped for, and science - for the first time - was a magickal and amazing thing.  I don't know as much as a doctor does and my education is ongoing, but I know enough to appreciate that I am LITERALLY a new person on a cellular level every 120 days (give or take) and that a cell, smaller than the head of a pin, contains just about three meters of DNA.  Beautiful stuff.  Biology captivates me probably about as much as Romeo and Juliet or Lysistrata.

Life is an ongoing process.  For every last one of us.  This blog will be an ongoing process (hopefully one that I'll keep up with) just like my training at the gym is.  I'm nowhere near where I need to be to start doing tricks for freerunning or parkour, but I'm working towards it - steadily.

I'm going to cut myself off right now, if I don't stop right now, I'll keep going.