So I bought, with false hope it seems, some electronic cigarettes that came highly recommended from a good friend. These cigarettes were to help my mother, whom, at this point is such a compulsive smoker that she was picking up cigarette butts and relighting those. She has minor burns on the tip of her nose as well as the space between her index and middle fingers. "Why" might you ask is she such a horrific compulsive smoker? As of now, it's not the nicotine - which helps in a tiny, insignificant way - it's her "boyfriend". Since I refuse to name names in this particular format, I'm going to substitute "@$$" for his name.
After Mom was hospitalize earlier this year, and upon her subsequent release from said hospital, @$$'s drinking habits have become...exorbitant. As of right now, he's dropping money on 3 six-packs a day. That's all he can afford using the meager amount of money left over from his supposed inheritance (which has dwindled from 15K to $400 in just under...what? six months.). If he hasn't already, he's already digging into my mother's money to supply his habit. A few years ago, I would've gladly turned the other cheek - having not cared enough to delve this much into her personal life - but as of her last hospitalization, I've realized how horrible of a daughter I've been and I've fought with myself to make amends and be better to her.
As it turns out, @$$ (caught myself, almost typed his full name), is an angry drunk. Not in the "beat things around to make me feel better" way. In the "I know better than every person in the world and I'm bitter" way. Which leads up to him being emotionally devastating to my mother. Recently, I've been switched to being her payee - I handle her disability checks - which, as you may imagine, pisses him off to no end. To which I get calls every day, EVERY DAY, about him 'giving (her) hell about the payee thing'. Which means that I get to hear the sob in her voice and whatever sounds he attempts to bark through the line. He never fails to lower the volume of his voice just enough that I can't hear any of the angry-sounding things he says to her.
So I'm left with this situation: hearing my mother's shaking voice over the phone, hearing his angry ranting, counting to ten every time I see his face and the way he glares at her, and knowing that because of his fear-inducing, angry ways that my mother smokes herself to burns and is losing hair because of the stress.
But you know what the craziest part in all this is? She won't leave because she's terrified of being alone.
I've thought long and hard about things and if she continues to stay with him, I may very well go to a lawyer and file the proceedings to have her declared incompetent and in need of a guardian. I or the state would be able to get her away from him, get her set up in a decent place to live, even find her a puppy (which I know she's been desperate for). I've yet to say anything to her about this, because I know, on some level, it will devastate her. But when she can barely function and she's terrified of @$$, where does that leave myself and my sister?
On her good days, my mother is vibrant and brilliant. She's astonishing with numbers and can read books faster than anyone I've ever met - and can retain every last line and plot twist. But as of now...I really wish I had words appropriate for describing the way I feel when I look at her.
It's because of these good days that I'm fighting myself:
When is it all right to step in and be the guardian for your own parent, even when they're capable of looking in your face and telling you that what you want for them is not what they want?
